Connection: The Core of Human Experience | Adam Dorsay | #127
In our increasingly digital world, we're more connected than ever online yet paradoxically experiencing an epidemic of disconnection in our real lives. On our recent episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, we explored this phenomenon with Dr. Adam Dorsey, psychologist and author of "Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the Four Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love."
Dr. Dorsey presented a compelling framework centered around four concentric circles of connection that form the foundation of human wellbeing. At the core lies self-connection - our ability to authentically tune into our own needs and experiences. This isn't narcissistic but rather foundational; if we're disconnected from ourselves, we cannot meaningfully connect with others. As Dr. Dorsey explained, even simple factors like adequate hydration, proper sleep, and being present in our bodies directly impact our capacity for connection across all domains.
The second circle involves connection with others - our relationships with partners, children, friends, and colleagues. Dr. Dorsey emphasized that no single relationship, even marriage, can fulfill all our connection needs. In today's world, we often burden our romantic partners with expectations that historically would have been distributed across an entire village of connections. This understanding liberates us to develop diverse relationships that serve different purposes in our lives, viewing friends almost as "superheroes" with unique powers that collectively enrich our experience.
Moving outward, the third circle encompasses our connection with the world - including nature, art, ancestry, and the broader human experience. The fourth and final circle involves connection with something greater than ourselves, which might be God for religious individuals or simply the experience of awe and wonder for anyone regardless of spiritual beliefs. Dr. Dorsey noted that the neural pathways activated during profound experiences of awe mirror those stimulated by psychedelic substances - suggesting our brains are wired to benefit from transcendent connections.
What's particularly striking is how modern distractions systematically undermine these essential connections. Social comparison, fear of missing out (FOMO), and especially our relationship with technology all create barriers to authentic connection. Dr. Dorsey introduced the delightful alternative concept of JOMO - the Joy Of Missing Out - as a healthier mindset that allows us to be fully present rather than constantly worrying about what we might be missing elsewhere.
Perhaps most practically, Dr. Dorsey shared the concept of developing a personal "connection formula" - understanding which activities reliably generate feelings of connection for you specifically. This highly individualized approach recognizes that connection sources vary dramatically between people; what brings one person alive might leave another cold. The key is identifying your unique formula and deliberately making space for these activities despite the "activation energy" they might require compared to easier but less fulfilling options like scrolling social media.
For couples and families, Dr. Dorsey recommended going on "quests" together - novel experiences that allow you to see familiar people through fresh eyes. These shared adventures, whether as simple as exploring your own city as tourists or systematically finding the best burger joint over several weeks, create opportunities for play and discovery that strengthen bonds in ways that routine interaction cannot.