Dealing With Digital Distractions
Today I will share some technology tips and traps that may be helpful in reducing digital distractions and creating real connection.
Did you know that 88% of adults in a study I did believe that Technoference is a big problem in our society?
Now there are all kinds of opinions about technology and the role it’s playing in people’s lives and their relationships. There’s even a new term for this, called technoference, which refers to technology interfering with people’s face-to-face interactions and relationships.
You may remember from other videos that we’re all born with 3 fundamental human needs –safety, satisfaction, and connection. And today’s topic about Technoference is about creating connection and minimizing digital distractions that often get in the way.
I conducted a study on this topic, with 632 parents across the United States about how they feel about technology, so here’s some of what I found. About 70% feel like technology interrupts family time at least occasionally and 60% are concerned about the influence technology has on their relationship with their children. And one out of four parents wished they had more information about technology and parenting, but don’t know where to turn
Let me first start by saying I am not anti-technology, I think technology is fascinating and can help our lives and relationships in many ways –one being these videos! But I do think technology can create barriers in relationships that lead to disconnection and unhappiness.
Let me give you an example. I was with the Schramm fam a little while ago presenting at a conference in San Diego. We went to dinner and as we’re waiting for our food, I looked over and saw what appeared to be a father and his son, who was probably about 9 or 10. I thought, “wow, what a great experience for those two, enjoying some one-on-one time.” Then dessert arrived and for the next 8 minutes the dad looked down at his phone while the boy ate his dessert in silence. I thought, “how sad! Here’s a great opportunity to connect and have a wonderful time and it was over when the man pulled out his phone for the rest of their time together.”
And this is happening quite a bit at mealtimes and restaurants. So I asked parents in my survey about this. It turns out that 88% of parents believe that kicking technology off of tables is a good idea. About 40% of parents admitted to using technology at least occasionally while eating at home with family members.
So here’s the principle: mealtimes are for togetherness and strengthening connection. I highly recommend turning off the TV and staying off phones during all mealtimes. Keep the table phone-free.
Another place I encourage parents to stay phone-free is in children’s bedrooms and during bedtime routines. Let’s say you are laying next to your 5-year old daughter in their bed reading a book and you hear or feel your phone go off. Immediately our brains are wired to see what the notification is. Ultimately it distracts us and can prevent us from focusing on the moment of connection. So my advice? Keep bedtime rituals phone free!
I also recommend that when your children walk in the door, or your sweetheart comes home from work, make those few minutes a time for reconnection. Even make an effort to get off the phone if you can, letting whoever it is know that your child or partner walked in the door and you want to talk with them. It shows your children or spouse that they are a priority.
Research has also shown that children and teens can get distracted easily by their devices while doing their homework. Studies continue to show that switching back and forth between reading or studying and digital devices interrupts focus and attention and even affects their ability to remember things they’re learning. So my advice is no technology during homework.
Here’s some more tips right from the American Academy of Pediatrics:
First, they recommend no screen time for children younger than 18 months with the exception of Zoom or Facetime to interact with others.
They also say that between 18-24 months parents can begin to introduce high quality programs AND watch them together.
From ages 2-5 they suggest limiting screen time to 1 hour per day of high quality programs/games or apps, but still being with your child.
From 5-18 years of age they recommend setting consistent limits and encourage healthy habits, including physical activity and 8-12 hours of sleep per day. And they also discourage using media while also doing other things such as eating, homework or interacting with others.
So there you have some tips and traps of digital devices. For more information and suggestions, I helped put together a fact sheet on technoference you can find at the link below:
https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/ou-files/techostrategies.pdf
Please take a second to subscribe, like, and share this blog post and video with others. I’m on a mission to help individuals, couples, and families to flourish, and I hope you’ll help spread the word!