Lessons Learned from Empty Nesters

Today I will be sharing parenting advice and regrets from over 400 empty-nest parents that I surveyed over the last few years. For example, the number one parenting regret from empty-nesters is not spending enough time with their children while they were young.

A few years ago as a professor at the University of Missouri I was thinking about how fast time was flying and I thought about how quickly our 4 children were growing up. It suddenly hit me that I get one shot in this life to be a parent. I get a few years with them while they’re home and then once they’re gone, it’s never quite the same again. So I wanted to be the very best Dad I could be.

I thought, I want to ask the real parenting experts what they think about parenting. So I turned to empty-nest parents who have been there and done that. They have climbed that hill and can now look back and share some parenting advice and regrets to help me in my parenting journey. And I hope they’ll be helpful in your journey as well!

So here are some of the results of more than 400 empty-nest parents across the United States. First, some overall themes:

One of the strongest themes was building relationships and connecting with children. They mentioned things like communicating openly and regularly, spending quality time with them, being involved in their lives by getting to know their interests, their dreams and their friends, as well as being involved in their schooling, whether it’s getting to know their teachers or helping out in the classroom.

Another strong theme I found was parents role as teachers. Empty-nesters encouraged us as parents to teach children important life skills such as reading and responsibility, including the value of doing hard things and encouraging exploration with regard to their own identity and their social world.

One parent said this, “Encourage them—be the cheerleader, not the referee. Teach them—model all that is good and responsible. Set a good example—teach responsibility, self-discipline, self-respect, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, and the like by applying it in your own life. You will soon reap what you sowed earlier in their lives.”.

So when it comes to parenting advice for specific age-groups, the empty-nesters give some more great tips. For children birth to 5 they said things like, “enjoy the moment”, “engage in active play” and of course, “exercise patience,” which is much easier said than done.

For children ages 6 to 11 years of age, empty-nesters encouraged parents to provide tons of encouragement and specific praise for their efforts. They also said parents should give children opportunities to try new activities, explore their interests and really let life happen rather than force them into what we want them to do and be.

The empty-nesters also had plenty of great advice for parents of adolescents. They said things like “do more listening than talking” “set clear boundaries for behavior”, “let children make mistakes” and “be a parent, not a friend.”

So what about regrets? I think all of us have some parenting regrets and it was interesting to hear about what empty-nesters regret, now that they look back on life.

A whopping 53% of parents regret not spending more time with their children when they were younger –whether it was school or sports activities or one-on-time reading, or vacations together, empty-nesters said the time goes too fast so invest in the relationship and make memories.

Another 25% said they regret being too harsh when disciplining their children, with another 23% regretting not teaching their children enough, such as cooking, working with tools, how to manage stress, or not teaching their children enough about their faith and values.

I hope there are some things you found helpful in this article. There’s no doubt that parenting is tough, in fact 45% of the empty-nesters admitted that parenting was more difficult than expected and only 3% rated themselves as an excellent parent.

The key is giving ourselves some credit, and doing the very best we can with what we have. We can learn from parents who have been through it all. And while parents today are dealing with new and unique challenges that empty-nesters may not have dealt with, there are still some great things we can learn from them, especially about building relationships and strengthening connections.

In closing, take a second to subscribe, like, and share this video and blog with others. I’m on a mission to help parents manage the joy and struggle in this parenting journey.