When Marriage Meets Faith | Loren Marks | #125
In an increasingly secular world, the profound impact of faith on marriage remains a cornerstone for countless couples navigating life's complexities together. Our recent conversation with Dr. Loren Marks from Brigham Young University illuminated how religion serves as a multidimensional force in strengthening marital bonds through three essential pathways: shared beliefs, meaningful practices, and supportive communities.
Dr. Marks co-directs the American Families of Faith Project, which has interviewed over 300 couples from more than 20 different faith traditions across America. What makes this research particularly compelling is its focus on exemplary marriages rather than troubled ones. As Dr. Marks pointed out, while approximately 10,000 studies have examined divorce, only about 300—a mere 3%—have explored what makes strong, happy marriages work. This project intentionally shifts the focus to "championship marriages" that have weathered decades of challenges while maintaining deep connection.
The research reveals that shared religious beliefs create what Dr. Marks calls a "shared family vision"—a unified perspective on life's purpose that transcends daily conflicts. One Muslim couple described how their shared observance of Ramadan provided a powerful anchor throughout the year, bringing them together through shared sacrifice and spiritual purpose. Similarly, a Latter-day Saint couple expressed how their belief in eternal marriage gave them security during difficult periods, knowing their commitment extended beyond this life. This transcendent perspective transforms how couples approach conflicts, offering context that elevates everyday struggles into a larger, meaningful narrative.
Religious practices emerged as another powerful dimension strengthening marriages across faith traditions. Family prayer, in particular, crossed denominational boundaries as a unifying force. The ritualistic elements of faith—whether saying grace for Protestant families, attending Mass for Catholics, observing Shabbat for Jewish families, or fasting during Ramadan for Muslims—create sacred time that binds couples together. One Jewish mother described lighting Shabbat candles with her family as creating a moment where "all is right in the world" regardless of external chaos. These practices don't just mark time; they transform it, creating spaces where couples connect with each other and something greater than themselves.
Perhaps most striking was Dr. Marks' discussion of religious communities as support systems for marriage. In an age of increasing isolation, faith communities provide what Dr. Marks described as "lived models of wisdom"—couples at various life stages who demonstrate how to blend relationships and faith successfully. After Hurricane Katrina, one couple described church members offering significant financial support during their hardship. Another family recounted a fellow church member pledging to help them avoid foreclosure during financial difficulty. These communities create what Dr. Marks' colleague Bill Doherty calls "friends of the marriage"—people invested not just in individuals but in the success of the marriage itself.
However, Dr. Marks also addressed how religion can sometimes harm marriages when implemented unwisely. Religious involvement can become what Doherty terms a "time affair"—consuming so much attention that it damages the marital relationship. Additionally, religious conviction must balance firmness with relational flexibility, avoiding rigid approaches that become coercive. The most successful couples demonstrated a balanced approach that honored both religious commitment and relational needs.