Parenting Children Ages 2 - 6: The “My Way” Phase
How many times have you ever heard your 2-year old tell you they can do it on their own!? “I can do it!” “I want to do it myself!”
For the first year or so of their life, toddlers are figuring out if they can trust their parents and others to take care of them. But now, as I’m sure you parents of kiddos this age have noticed, they often feel a need to see what they can do by themselves. And boy, can this make life with toddlers an adventure, right!!
So, as kids move through the toddler stage, they often want to try new things, express themselves, and get to know their own abilities and preferences. And that’s GREAT! It’s such an exciting time in childhood and an important part of their development.
At the same time, of course, there’s still a TON they don’t know or understand–like why you don’t want them running into the road or eating candy for every meal–and when they insist on doing things “their way,” it can sometimes make life pretty difficult for parents, especially when you’re in a hurry!
So what can you do? Here are some tips that can help:
Look at things from your child’s perspective. They’re transitioning from being completely dependent on you and other caregivers to figuring out how to be their own person! What cool things can they do? Who are they? What do they like? There are so many chances to boost your kiddo’s confidence in this stage and help them develop key life skills –but there are also times it might be tempting to punish them harshly or shame them, which does much more harm than good!
So try to take a deep breath (or several!) and remind yourself that, even if it can get SUPER frustrating when your kiddo wants to try new things and insist on their way, they’re probably not just being a brat –they’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing at this age: learning to make decisions! And when you do need to restrict or guide those decisions, try to be patient and remind yourself of how things might look(and feel!)to your child! That’s tough though, I get it!
Get rid of the rules that don’t matter so much. Of course, some rules are important! Remember, we need to protect at least three things: people, property, and feelings. Some other things may no tbe that important! For example, is it really that big a deal if your kiddo’s clothes don’t match? If your three-year-old got up, picked out their own clothes, and got dressed all by themselves, they probably feel pretty good, right? It may bug us a little to see the clashing colors and patterns, but it’ll be okay.
Give children many chances to make choices. Maybe you can let your kiddo choose from some healthy options for their afternoon snack(apple slices or carrot sticks?)or pick the book you read together before bed. If you leave things completely open, thought, they may choose cookies and soda for a snack, and choose to not go to bed at all! But within reasonable limitations there are LOTS of little choices you can leave up to them. These help them practice making decisions, find out what they like, and gain confidence.
Use creativity, not force, to prevent battles. This can look like distraction, playfulness, putting them in charge, or telling them what they CAN do, rather than focusing on what they CAN’T. For example, instead of yelling at them to leave the poor dog alone, you could invite them to help you make dinner. If they don’t want to put on their shoes, you can pretend the shoes are talking to them in a funny voice!(“Oh, I’m so lonely! I wish I had some feet to be my friends!”) Or, if they resist the end of play time, you could give them the job of setting a special timer to measure ten more minutes of playing.
It might seem like they’re suddenly being stubborn all the time and refusing to do a lot of things you want them to, like putting on a coat or going to bed. If you feel like you’re at the end of your rope in this kind of tug-of-war with your kiddo, I have another video all about that kind of thing called “The Parenting Tug of War” that can help. So Check that one out!
Show an interest in their needs and preferences. If you have an idea of what they like and are interested in, you can know which kinds of choices to offer them, as well as have a better idea of ways to get creative and help them cooperate.
For example, if you’re trying to help them develop a love of reading and you know that they think dinosaurs are pretty much the greatest thing ever, you could include some books about dinosaurs in their choices for your bedtime story. Or if you know they absolutely HATE tuna fish, you can have other options available –maybe ham and cheese or PB&J–on hand for their lunch sandwich and LET THEM CHOOSE!
So those are my tips for today: first, be patient and recognize that your child is learning to make decisions; second, get rid of the rules that don’t matter much; third, give children chances to choose; fourth, use creativity, not force, to prevent parent-child battles; and fifth, pay attention to and show interest in their needs and preferences
Please take a moment and share this blog and video with someone you know may benefit from some helpful parenting tips.